For Her
by Tango Saltat
Summary: [ENDING SPOILERS WITHIN] An introspective look at Wander as he begins and ends his journey.


For Her

I want to see her smile again.

I'm desperate; I know it. I stole the sword, I ran off with her body, I went to see... it. I'm doing everything I'm... we... are all forbidden to do. To touch the sword, to seek the cursed land, to ask for its aid.

I wondered if it was really there, if everything was just some old folktale to scare everyone off. But when Dormin's voice booms and echoes through the temple, I know the answer then, and I'm relieved. I'm eager to hear it; if I can hear it, Dormin surely exists, doesn't it? If it exists, then she can be revived, and I can see her smile again.

But as the earth under me shakes and trembles under a terrible weight, small rocks and dust being uplifted by an unseen, awesome force, I waver. And when I see it, lumbering along, as tall as a mountain, I tremble. It is then I realize why this is called a cursed, forbidden land. It's beautiful, it's desolate, and it's home to these... things, these colossi.

The ground shakes violently after each step, as it merely walks aimlessly back and forth. Is it waiting for something... for me? I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I have to do this for her; I have to try. Just remembering her vibrant, full of life, knowing that I can give all that back to her gives me the hope, the strength, that same desperate feeling that'd been plaguing me since she died. And it propels me forward, recklessly charging at the monstrous thing ahead of me-- it doesn't even notice me; it doesn't know that I exist until its beady, glowing eyes catch sight of me. It doesn't look angry; it just stares, expression blank, but it tries to strike at me anyway, its movements slow but powerful.

Stupid. Running up to it like that won't solve anything; it'll only get me killed.

Then I hear its voice again, Dormin's voice, filling the sky, the valley. I lift the sword, the weapon heavy in my untrained hand, and a brilliant light shines forth, reflecting from its blade. It nearly blinds me but I direct the ray of light, and it finally focuses. I still don't know what to do, but I run for it, nearly stumbling as the ground shakes rhythmically. I've never heard anything so loud before, the stomping of its hooves-- but I keep going, charging for it. It's... huge, and for a moment, I wonder if it would make an unexpected turn and...

My mind works quickly; I'm so _close_ and there has to be something I can _do_. I look up, trying not to crane my neck too high or else my nerves really _will_ fail me, and there I see it. Without thinking, I jump, and I _cling_. I'm not small enough for it to not feel me and it shakes its hoof, and just the force of that nearly makes me fly off. But I hold on with all my strength, and I somehow make my way up. It's hidden under the fur, gently pulsating. I swallow, and raise my sword, then let it plunge into the tender flesh. It feels like it didn't even stab in far at all, but the monster falls, taking me along with it.

The head. I have to get to the head. I immediately climb, up its thigh, its side, and onto the convenient structures on its back. I don't take the time to think about it and I just _climb_ as it recovers, standing again, but it _knows_ I'm here. I'm not some insignificant bug anymore and I _hurt _it; I hurt a mountain. I climb and climb, scrambling up to his shoulders. It knows I'm here, it knows I'm here... and I scramble to its neck, sweat pouring and I thank the gods my hands aren't drenched just yet as it tries to shake me off for the thousandth time.

Somehow, I've managed to reach the summit of this mountain, and under me, it glows brilliantly. But here, it _definitely_ knows I'm here... exactly here, and it shakes wildly and I cling for my life, for her life. I have to end this; I have to end this now. My heart pounds, my breath heaves, my body trembles... but I lift that sword and I plunge it in. It's not as tender here and the blade doesn't slip through as easily, but when it does, it hits bone-- its skull, and it startles me. But black, foul blood nearly blinds me, overwhelms my senses as the stench fills my nostrils and I accidentally taste it. I spit it out and for a moment, I can't hear a thing, its pained roar deafening. But I wrench the sword out, its blade blackened by putrid blood, and I plunge it in again and again, each strike more forceful than the one before it-- end it soon, for its sake and mine, for hers.

Finally, it falls, the ground quaking and air vibrates with thunder. My limbs are heavy; I can barely move them. I clung too hard, too long, and I want to gag, the taste of its blood still on my tongue. I fall off, stumbling onto the ground, and amazingly I can still hold myself up. But then it feels like something's tearing a hole into me, pushing, invading, and it drains me.

So. That's what it meant.

But it's for her.

So it's okay.

I search for each and every one of them, I hunt them down, riding all over the desolate landscape that holds nothing but me, the birds, the lizards, and the colossi. I kill them one by one, each stealing my breath away. Somewhere along the way, I lose count, the journey slowly wearing me thin, but I count the idols every time I'm somehow whisked back. And every time I kill, she grows more vibrant each time I see her. I see that the color slowly returns to her face, her skin rosy instead of that ghastly pale. Her lips color and she's just as beautiful as ever. But as I look into the water, I see what I'm becoming. I'm pale, the color drained from my skin and lips, my eyes turn into a shade of yellow and they almost glow back at me. I try to wrap my wounds up as best I can, but already they don't look like they'll heal easily. My clothes are in tatters, and I should be concerned, but I'm not... not when I see her. Hope floods me; it's _working_. Thank you, Dormin... thank you, thank you...

But then, I realize, maybe... I'm going too far. My breath hitches as I watch Agro fall... fall... his dark eyes focusing on me one last time before he's too far for even my sight. He plunges into the water, and my jaw clenches, locking tight as I swallow, mouth and throat suddenly dry.

My best friend.

But it's too late now. Too late to go back. Much too late. I'm sorry.

She spurs me on, and finally, I see it. I'm as stoic as ever, but inside I continue to tremble. The clouds seem to circle it as it merely stands-- if it took even a step, I'm sure the earth would split in half. It towers over me, taller than a tree, taller than a mountain. There is no word for its height, not any word that I know.

I have to do this for her; I have to slay this lone colossus that stands in my-- her, way.

I climb, and I climb for what seems to be forever. There's no end to this colossus and I wonder if I'll ever make it; is all this in vain? The earth stops exploding around me but I can feel its eyes training upon me. It knows where I am, its eyes boring into me. It's just stopping because it doesn't want to hurt itself. Higher and higher and I wonder if I've reached the other world yet, but upon looking up, I only see it staring back at me with its cold, yellow eyes. It looks at me, curious, wondering why a bug like me would dare to try and sting it. I would tell it why-- it's for her!-- but I'd still have to kill it and it's just better this way.

It flails when I finally reach its weak point, and it _knows_; I can feel it. It wants me _off_ but I cling harder, using the last of my decaying strength. So much blood spurts out and I'm drenched in it, but somehow, my grip never fails and I deliver the final blow. It cries aloud, deafening me like the others, and it dies, taking a part of me with it.

I open my eyes, and my body's so heavy, I don't think I can lift it at all. But as I look up, I can see her there, still on the altar. Is she sleeping? Why isn't she awake? Dormin, why isn't she awake? I notice that we're not alone-- they're from the village and... Dormin said they came to stop me. It's too late, it's done, I've done it-- let me see her, please... It had to have worked, please, let it have worked...

I stumble forward, my body refusing to work with me, and I try to tell them I want to see her, but my voice won't cooperate. There's a sharp pain in my thigh and I cry out, falling over. They call me an abomination, a fool; I've been used! But I don't care. I just want to see her move, see her smile again. But then that same sword plunges into me and gods, it hurts. But something gives me the strength to keep moving, and it's then I know that I'm not the same as before. I crawl, trip up the stairs but in the end, it's not enough, and I fall once more, Dormin's voice booming again. He fills me, seizes control of my body, and I can't move, not the way I want to. All sixteen merge with me, crowd within me.

They escape, and as quickly as the power builds within me, it is taken away, stripped away one by one. Finally, I feel it taking me, pulling me away. I struggle, only to tumble back, head over heels. There's nothing to grab on, but I feebly scrabble for _something_. But the only thing I'm able to latch onto is the edge of the small pool. I'm halfway inside and the only thing I can do is to hold on, but my strength is waning, and I look up; will you wake up to let me see you one last time?

But it never happens, and I finally slip away.

Please... let her be alive.


End file.
